Creative Climate

This winter continues to be relentless, the snow, the ice, the extreme cold, and some major winds have been taking its toll on everyone's spirits and pocketbooks.  Cars don't want to work, pipes are at risk of freezing, our one hot water heater never stays lit for long because the wind keeps blowing it out which is very aggravating.  Hubby has tried many things over the years to combat this problem but nothing seems to work.  It's just been an endless stream of challenges for everyone. 

I've hardly subbed at all because we've barely had any real school days.  So my time has been spent revamping the house and doing some repurposing and preparations for house projects when the weather breaks.  We've got a lot of deconstructing to do before we re-construct.  Mostly this entails packing up stuff and moving furniture.  I have half of the house neat and organized the other half is the "in progress" side. This is nothing new to me since I've always seemed to live some sort of double life. [smile, wink]  Also, decided to relieve some boredom by doing a repurpose project, painting and changing out knobs on an old dresser from my mom's house that is now the "credenza" for my new office space.  What do you think?

I know the color choices are a little out there but I like it.  And this is my new office space.  I've been working to get organized and move into a more professional attitude with my goals for writing.  Got a new laptop and have been relearning the most basic functions on this newfangled system that you're forced to have on your computers.  Arg.  Also loaded the Scrivener program and files for two novels I've composed and am in the process of editing, polishing and completing.  Honestly for a few days there I never felt so stupid in my life when came to navigating through this new set up but I think I'm finally getting the hang of it.

My brother sent me an awesome book for Christmas called "the War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles" by Steven Pressfield which is absolutely fantastic and just the shot in the arm I needed.  The first section talks about the 'resistance' or basically all the big and little things that keep you from that creative goal.  "It's not the writing part that's hard. What's hard is sitting down to write. What keeps us from sitting down is Resistance."  I've just entered the second section "Combating the Resistance" and again, great stuff.  Also came across an article in a Writing Basics magazine about tips for success, Number 1: Never do laundry!  Meaning don't think you're going to "just throw in one load" because it will escalate from there and the next thing you know you're reorganizing your kid's closet instead of writing.  I've been trying to write daily, something, either for the novel, a grant, my journal, random articles, or this blog post.  Something.  Anything.  Even if it's just one page, one paragraph, one sentence, just write words on the page.  They may turn into something more concrete later, they may not.  That's not the concern at this point, the idea is to just keep the creative outlet open and flowing.

What's coming up for the Parton gang next month?  Fox will be visiting the Wayne State University and Saginaw Valley State University campuses for Model U.N. events.  Ethan will be polishing his Poetry piece for the Bronco Bullpen Forensic Tourny and making his debut at the 3rd Degree Burns Annual Fundraiser, and Ben will continue work on Team #5201's robot (Spartonix)  that will need to be bagged by mid-month.  And hopefully we'll all be enjoying some kind of break in this tundra-like climate we've been having.

I leave you with a little writer's humor. 

Stay Warm.  Stay Safe.  Stay Grateful.

iMade the Tealights

Outside my Window: The days have been overcast lately and the weather cooling.  Perfect yardwork temperatures, love those hoodies days!  Above is a snap from the cross-country course at Brown City High School and Nature Center.  It was a wonderful day for a run.

What's on my Mind: Getting my yoga practice back into the schedule.  Now that the boys will be in school I can get back to my morning routine of practicing while the house is quiet.  It's not the same when everyone is home and I just don't get up early enough to do it before the rest of the household awakes in the summer.

Thankful for: Another fun and educational outing with my choir ladies, this time to Port Huron to see the Fort Gratiot Lighthouse.  There is a 20 year restoration plan for the facility and things are looking wonderful so far.

Creative Endeavors: Still working with my perennials moving plants around and getting the colors and sizes arranged better around the house.  Rob also got the wood chipper going finally so hoping to mulch up all the branches he trimmed over the last few weeks and get a good covering down on the gardens.

Latest Project: Decluttering (an ongoing, neverending project, really) and setting things aside for our massive garage sale next summer.

My 3 Sons: First day back to school could not have come to soon.  The boys were so bored they couldn't wait to get back in the academic routine!  Me, too!  I forgot to explain in the last post that after a couple of regular football practices Fox realized there was too much he did not know about the sport and decided to go back to cross country with a new perspective, refreshed appreciation, and upgraded attitude.  Ben is also going to double sport this season with rec-soccer since he needs to get as much field time in as possible before high school try-outs next year.

The first Born: Loving her two new jobs closer to home, both still in food service but that's fine.  She opens for Tim Hortons and does evenings at Appleby's in different towns.

Employment News: Started this past weekend at the farm, pouring honey, making candles, helping customers.  It was a steady but slow opening but in another week or two when the prime grapes come in things are going to get wild!

Hoping to Improve: Working together on projects with my husband and making the tough choices to let items go that are useless, hold bad chi, or can bring some kind of profit.

Food for Thought: "I have been inspired by seeing folks tackle this challenge [eating fresh] head-on, in unique ways. For instance, the Edible Schoolyard project founded in California by Alice Waters, the head of the buy local, eat fresh movement, has had a tremendous impact on the children involved as well as on the local community in which the project was founded.  I was so impressed by this project that I have worked with Alice and some other folkds in order to bring an edible schoolyard to one of our schools in New Orleans.  As a result, children are eating better, more healthful meals, and have a genuine respect for Mother Earth and the hard work required to put food on the table.  They are learning about nutrition, gardening, and the impact of farming on our environment."  ~Emeril Lagasse - Farm to Fork: Cooking Local, Cooking Fresh

Last Words:

Square Pegs

So the school year started out with a bang.  Ethan and Fox had a half day at the public school on the first day and all went well there.  I dropped Ben off at Chatfield for his first day but when I picked him up afterward things did not go as anticipated.  I could tell it was a rough day when I saw him pass through the hall as I arrived.  Once we got out of the building and had a chance to talk he finally broke down.  He HATED it.  The open classroom was extremely distracting, the kids were pretty clicky, and he just didn't feel like he fit in.  I felt horrible, he is not a kid who takes to change easily and I appreciate his giving an effort to try. I suppose I could have forced him to stay and try it longer but somewhere in my heart I knew that wasn't the investment to make at this time, much as I had hoped it would be a great experience for him. The next morning we made a trip to the middle school office and reenrolled him, he had a schedule and was in class by 2nd hour.  I lost him in the crowd as the kids changed classes when he spotted one of his buddies.  He even stayed after for cross-country practice and was MUCH happier when he came home at the end of the day.  It certainly has made our life easier around here having eliminated a LOT of running around and I am enjoying having all the boys involved in the same sport for the fall.

Buyer pictures arrived, we got them delivered and the boys have deposited their checks.  We spent the weekend before school started getting the pig pen and barn area deconstructed so we can begin getting a better layout in before winter.  The boys also helped get the chicken pen and coop cleaned out and the chicks have been shifted over, still not sure how many hens and roosters we have.

Cross-country season had a good start, Fox had a tough run at the first meet in Cros-Lex but picked up his time at the second Brown City meet.  Both Ben and Fox ran at Bad Axe this year as well as the Caro TVC.  Our county meet was a bit of a disaster due to a change in the course and addition of an electronic timing system which did not meet expectations.  This week Ethan will run the Marlette Open Race and the older boys will travel to Garber with the school team.

It's funny how you can have a plan and an expectation for how your life is going to be and suddenly things just change but you know it's all ok.  I have been involved with helping a friend get her neice and grand nephew (who are currently homeless) into an apartment in town and get him enrolled in school.  The young man has been staying with us and going to the elementary school until they get settled in the apartment.  The mom lost her hearing due to a surgery not long ago and does not use sign language yet so communication is challenging plus she operates at a remedial level at best.  I purchased a copy of The Joy of Signing for her and have been encouraging her to learn plus I've been learning and using the signs myself.  I don't know why but I've been very compelled to help this young man get in a safe home situation and receive a good education.  In addition to helping his mother learn how to be a good parent.  I'm not saying or doing this out of judgement, fact is she had a pretty crappy upbringing and really just doesn't know or think about things the way "normal" people would.  She does love her little boy though and I'm hoping that she will understand the importance of making sure he is cared for and educated if they are to stay together, otherwise the choices may be taken out of her control, which would have nothing to do with me.

We've had our first tasting of spinach from the late season garden, bean plants are flowering, and the tomatoes have recently shot up.  Since zucchini is coming in full force the farm market I buy from has huge ones for $.75 each! We've been grating, bagging and freezing some for the winter.  I pulled out mom's old recipie box to find the zucchini bread but stumbled instead upon Zucchini Chocolate Cake to try instead.....yummo!  It was funny to see all the old cards and papers she had in the box, some were made on the old ditto machines from school, you know the ones you'd crank and they had purple ink.  Maybe I should do a Julie & Julia thing and bake my way through mother's recipie box.  But that will have to wait because this week I will be traveling to Italy with my husband.  Oddly, I have absolutely no "plans" for when I get there.  The hotel we are staying in is along the water and they provide free bicycles so I'm just going to take each day as it comes, hanging on the beach, riding through the town, maybe explore a cathedral or two.  I'd really like to find a vintage or resale shop in hopes of discovering some authentic gems for cheap.  Who knows what the future holds in store.

You can't always get what you what.

But if you try sometimes, you just might find...

you get what you need.

Great Show!

Did a little blog bouncing before posting today, every once in a while I peruse the Blogs of Note to see what's out there and believe me there is some stuff that is really out there! It is amazing the variety of things people blog about from food to fashion, human rights to gay rights, creation of art to critiquing of art, wrestling to writing, travel to tatoos, homeschooling to hand made items, it's all out there to read or click the 'x' and leave it for someone else. Viva la difference and how cool is it that we can literally travel the world from our cozy home and see what's going on.

What's going on here in notable North Branch is our Choir Program which was a big hit! Not quite as big a crowd as the December one perhaps because it was Valentine's Day or winter, but it was a great success never-the-less. Below is a picture of the elementary group preparing to sing and under that the final moments of "Dive" where we really 'got down.' I've said it before but I'll say it again, it has been such a blessing to work with these kids, yes, there are those that test your grace but if they keep showing up I'll keep working with them. Many parents and grandparents came up after to give me hugs and encouragement. Everyone is excited to come together again next year and I am as well. I've already started doing music searches and have some selections ordered.

North Branch Elementary After School Chorus - Feb. 2011

After the program I skidattled over to our first LCCC practice for the spring concert (it's always refreshing to get to sing with the big people). Once again we received quite a stuffed envelope with a variety of pieces. The biggest hoot will be our second half which pays homage to musicals past and present with a collection from "The Wizard of Oz" and "Wicked." What fun!

My exciting conference call while initially boosting quickly took the wind from my sails but didn't completely deter me. The call was with a regional manager from CYT (Christian Youth Theatre) to discuss starting a group in our area. What I found out is it's like buying into a francise and it's not cheap. While I believe there is a need for this here I don't think CYT is the umbrella to work under because of all the costs involved and they kept pushing me to be a Flint CYT because it's a 'big city' but I really don't want that connection. Plus my goal is to keep costs for family/students extremely low or without cost at all. So I'm still at the drawing board but haven't given up hope. I will continue to work with groups as I have been and wait for the right time to take it to the next level. It's all good.

Our bags are packed and ready to go...... check in next week to see where we're off to!

Back to Life

This morning I was finally back in regular church service and was just in the congregation. A couple services I missed because of prior commitments and then I was also back in teaching the kids so it felt really good to just be there to worship and receive the message. I have been attending this church for so long the people are really like family to me, which really hit me hard this morning when I realized how much I missed them. Perhaps because we have common beliefs, perhaps because in reality I see them more than my regular family, but either way they really mean a lot to me. The lady I sit next to in my 'regular spot' is a woman that is a pillar of the church, everyone calls her gramma and I am no exception. When things were really out of hand at home and I wasn't around for a time she called and checked in on me just to make sure I was still hanging in and keeping the faith; that meant the world to me. The women there are like sisters and aunts to me, they've seen me through good times and bad and I never felt judged or condemed by them no matter what I confessed was going on. The P&W leaders as well as the pastors and have been supportive and encouraging as I work to follow God's call and lead the children in musical and dramatic endeavors. I never would have had the courage or motivation if it weren't for them, not to mention all the parents that loving let their children participate. We had a wonderful time of praise and worship this morning and God's presence was there very strongly. I had been going through a battle of the mind this week and during one song I just released it all to the Lord because I know it is not healthy or neccesary to carry those mental burdens around. When pastor got up to begin he started with a really strong Word saying that you can no longer be concerned with things of the past, what happened to you in the past, what someone did to you in the past, you must release and move forward into the destiny that God has set forth for you putting all your focus there and toward the future. Amen. When I left I felt so relieved and confirmed because I had already made that determination in my mind during worship, even before he spoke it. So what if someone didn't want you to have something, so what if someone didn't understand you or misinterpreted your motives, so what if you never got an apology when you felt you deserved one. If it is not blessed by God then I don't want it anyway. If it is tainted in anyway then it isn't worth it to have. The bottom line is even though there are things in the world and in people that I haven't gotten I know without a doubt God has given me much, I have all that I need through His riches and glory.

Bouquet Mandala, a digital creation by Sue O'Kieffe

Alexandra has now attended all her classes at least once and is really excited about this semester, most of all Intro to Screenwriting. She says it is going to be fun but also a lot of work. Keyboard class is a little challenging only because it is late in the day after having 3 other classes and her energy starts to wane. Her current motivation is to find new employment and she has applied at several places; she went from working 5 days a week to only getting 1 scheduled day and then thankfully picking up other people's shifts. She needs more than one shift a week, that won't even cover her gas expenses. I commend her for the effort and have also given her a heads up when I see signs for new hiring going on. Thankfully she has been blessed with another new/used vehicle which makes things much easier. It makes me laugh when she just calls me to fill me in on things even though she could have waited to tell me later, but that's good and I'm glad she wants to keep me in the loop and values my thoughts. I've become more aware of how I present my opinions to her as well. We've come a long way, baby!

I finally was able to attend an LCCC Board Meeting and will soon be a new VP focusing mainly on PR which is pretty cool. My section leader noticed an article in our school news about my work with the school choirs and gave me kudos at the meeting which was very kind. I'm looking forward to getting to know our director more to and possibly working on other projects in the future. Another exciting development is my buddy from GTC has forged out on his own and opened a gym in Orion Twp. called FlipShop The open house will be over the next two weekends so if you live in the area please pass the word and check out the facilities (they're offering homeschool classes too). Ethan is interested in joining a tumbling class and I may investigate employment opportunities there as well, we'll see.

Check out this video from a story done by CNN about Buddhist monks creating a sand mandala, pretty incredible in my humble opinion......nobody sneeze!

Repent - Subbing - Tuna

This is a little embarassing to admit but the first step to change is admitting it, right. Although I am a reduse, reuse, recycle advocate I fell prey to the fast-paced, instant gratification, rut, blatently disregarding the evils of styrofoam to quelch my own thirstastic needs. I've been picking the boys up from school pretty much every day because Fox has practice and every day I stop by our local Sunrise gas station/convienience store for a cherry coke fountain drink on the way. The cups are starting to add up and this picture is only the ones that made it home. Many I've thrown out at different places to hide the shame of having them accumulate at my house.

So I hinted and cajolled the boys that a perfect birthday gift would be a reusable mug from Sunrise so I could avoid using all this stryrofoam. I even told them exactly where to find it in the store and how much! Benny my boy was the one who made sure it happened. You rock!

Yesterday I was in a First Grade classroom, Ben's former teacher. I really enjoyed her as a parent, she does a great job. Her class and I'm sure others are very diverse in abilities. The more I see it the more I am against mainstreaming developmentally-delayed and behavioral issued students. It seems to me they'd benefit more working at their own comfortable pace regularly. They get pulled out to work with other teachers and then can't finish the work the class was doing originally. It is a very disjointed day. Two children were on medication. It threw me a little when in the morning the teacher next door explained that if the one didn't get his morning dose he may need to be sent to the office. I asked if there was anything Deb did to help deal with the episodes, she said there's nothing really to do, the behavior is just not conducive to being in school. Yikes. She said I'd know right when they walked in if they were on track. Thankfully both boys were fine and we remembered to get the one down for his second dose at 1pm. These pictures were taken during a moment of free play time after they finished their stations. This was a difficult time for the 2 dose boy, he just couldn't focus on one thing to do. I noticed him wandering and directed him to a task, he opted for playdough but didn't stay with it long. He wandered into a few other play groups but didn't get to disruptive. The worst thing is he decided to wash the mirror with the sponge. It wasn't too wet. A couple kids tattled about it. I said, that mirror could always use some cleaning, but now I need you to wipe the water off with a paper towel. He did. Nice job. Next we went out for recess. Talk about crazy time! I'll spare you all the gory details, they were a good bunch over all but it is a high energy day. I'm rather liking the middle school level the best, truth be told. But I'll hang with any age really, keeps it different.


Lastly, something from the kitchen.....
Sorry about the typo on 'until' - I didn't notice it until after I flattened and saved and I didn't feel like setting it all up again.

Dr. report brings happiness

Mom got the result from her scans and the happy report was 'nothing new and nothing grew' which shocked her but it is the good kind of shock. This is what we've been hoping and praying for to keep the 'C' at bay. The lumps....just fat. How many times in your life are you actually glad you've got fat! (; D)

The school week has been shaping up nicely, although is was a little rough getting the boys to wake up yesterday. Today they bounced back just fine. Alex had her first Intro to Philosphy class, hurt her brain a little, all the lecturing. She doesn't even need a book, he's working primarily from handouts and discussion. There will only be three exams and he drops the lowest grade so each score you keep is worth 50% of your grade, that's a little daunting. Only time will tell I suppose. One small bummer, in her Creative Writing class the teacher says they are going to be writing about themselves :::big raspberry::: give me a break, how creative is that!

Fox had some homework last night, making a poster charting the Scientific Method and writing a paper about a favorite hobby. The poster was actually a group project that they didn't get finished in class and he volunteered to do it at home for his group. Hope he gets extra points for the effort. The hobby he wrote about: Chess. In math class they took a prelinimary test so the teacher could get an idea of the topics the class was strong or weak in and apparently Fox got the highest score. Way to go! He's hanging in with CC and doesn't really even seem to be getting very sore anymore.

Ben and Ethan are fine except for the whole remembering what to bring home or turn in, lunchboxes, school/home folders, signed papers, etc. Nothing major, it's all good.

I had a very productive week myself, got a good deal of entries pulled and some written, attended the WillSub meeting, did errands, opened a new bank account thanks to a $100 incentive, and even took time to sit at Starbucks, have my Peppermint Mocha Grande in a real mug, and read. Finally finished the Michael J. Fox book "Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist" and was pretty much in tears, not of sadness but of admiration for him, his foundation work, his family, and amazing wife. He and Tracy are definately on my would-love-to-meet list. Talk about phenomenal people, I put them in the same category with Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward who while being great talents managed to stay out of the paparazzi glare and make amazing efforts to give back to the world in abundance. Great book, I highly recommend it and "Lucky Man" as well.

FRIDAY FILL-INS

1. He was a one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple people eater.

2. Changing colors, apple everything, and the occasional hayride is what I look forward to most this time of year.

3. My best friend needs to call me.

4. I really don’t understand all the fuss about Obama’s address to the students to be honest with you.

5. Appearances can be deceiving.

6. The last person I gave a hug to was Ethan & Ben at the bus stop.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to running sound for a wedding rehearsal, tomorrow my plans include Ben’s first soccer game, Fox’s first cross-country meet, running sound for the Barber/Winter wedding and Sunday, I want to have another great rehearsal with the SOJ Kids Choir!

So happy together!

Junior High Open House went well; Principal Cranick was kind enough to make the schedule change for us so Fox will have Art first trimester instead of Reading Club. His English/Social Studies/SeminAR teacher is Mr. Mitchell, the son of Mrs. Mitchell whom he had last year, and his wife is pregnant with twins. He seems like another excellent influence, just like his mother. Mr. Peplinski is his Math teacher, Fox really liked him, he’s got a sort of kooky humor (like many math teachers, huh dad), and is interested in getting some academic clubs going in the school again. Mrs. Parsons is his Science teacher, the mother of Fox’s art teacher, Mrs. Baksa, and also the mom to three grown triplet boys. God bless her! Fox is hanging in there with cross-country; they run about 4-6 miles each practice. The first meet will be Saturday, September 12th in Bad Axe, the same day as Benny’s first soccer game. Timing should work out that we can make it to both, Soccer 9am in Imlay City, head up M-53 from there to Bad Axe for the meet @ 11:15. Coach said the Junior High meets usually only last a half hour, then I should be able to make it back home, change and get over to the church to run sound for a wedding @ 3pm. Fun! But that’s next weekend.

Ben and Ethan both met their teachers last night. Ethan is with Mrs. Cappo, Ben had her last year for Science since she shares some subjects with Mrs. Bodnar. For fourth grade they are working in teams much like they do at the upper elementary, Benjamin has Mrs. Smielewski and Mrs. Smith. Mrs. Smielewksi is his homeroom teacher; she is also pregnant with twins and due in March! They bumped into many buddies from last year’s class and sports, some in their classes, some they’ll just see out on the playground because they are on the ‘other side.’ The elementary is one building divided into two schools for those who hadn’t read my posts from last school year.

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Alex is trying to cram in as much social time as possible before school starts and she won’t really have time to hang out as much. I’ve lost track of the ‘birds’ break-ups and make-ups. I’m really just ready to move on from it. The kids’ family is probably moving to Holly so they are NEVER going to see each other. But yet we have to hang on to this sinking ship. Received a flyer in the mail from UofM Flint about some Preview Nights they are having at area libraries, if you bring your transcripts and ACT scores with you, you can apply that night and they will waive the admission fee. She’s going to the one at Marguerite deAngeli Branch Library on September 23. For more info go to www.umflint.edu/admissions/FallPreview . They will be in Owosso, Birch Run, Saginaw, St. Clair, Pontiac, Burton, and Grand Blanc as well as Lapeer. Rob and I are both encouraging her to apply to at least three schools, even though she’d like to go to Grand Valley ultimately.
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Me, I finished another batch of work, and am looking forward to having everyone out of the house during the day so I can keep it relatively cleaned-up. Plus I’m hoping to get some projects done perhaps with the help of some fabulous friends and family who have various areas of expertise and ample time, and I’d like to get myself on a regular work-out schedule. My father-in-law is going to bring my bike back up here next time he’s out and I’d like to start throwing it on the bike rack and going for a ride once or twice a week on my own at different places. Alternating that with walking, yoga and some workout tapes on occasion, maybe I could actually stop looking so round in the middle. I’m not that overweight, maybe 10-20lbs depending which list you check for my height, but it’s the really hard comfort cushion, stress padding pounds to loose. Recently a letter was sent out about the new computer system they will be using for Substitute Scheduling, willsub.com, an orientation will be held for it next week. That should be awesome once it gets in place, I’ll be able to go on and claim days I’d like to work ahead of time. Nice.
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Rob is going to start making moves toward getting the Jeep running again so Alex will be able to have a car regularly. Our car, mind you, we’re just letting her use it. This oughta be interesting. Hopefully he can get the last section of deck up before hunting season too.

What to do when you can't afford to buy paint and want to redecorate, use the remnants of all the color you have left and get funky with it!

Friday Fill-In

1. The future’s so bright I gotta wear shades!
2. I hate being called mommy.
3. Mosquito Coast is one of my favorite movies (a favorite book too!).
4. Paper plates and plastic glasses.
5. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
6. The scripture(s) I refer to most in troubled times is Psalm 23.
7. Tonight I’m looking forward to running around doing drops-off and pick-ups for practices & work schedules, tomorrow my plans include dropping off recycling then visiting w/ family, and Sunday I want to have a great first rehearsal with the Seeds of Jesus Kids’ Chorus.

Update on my mom Judi. She is going in for new scans today but won’t know results until the 9th. Apparently there are some new ‘lumps’ on her back and the pain is increasing as well. Not sure what will be next. Please keep her lifted up. Thanks.

Have a fabulous Labor Day everyone!

I Wanna Hold Your Hand (Lennon/McCartney)

Been in a sort of funk today. As I thought about it driving around tonight I think it is a combination of many things.

1) Eating badly over the last week - to much red meat, sugar & caffeine .

2) I'm not in charge of anything this summer - weird .

3) Usually at this time I would be searching for educational material for the new year but since I'm not homeschooling any more that is not happening.

4) I haven't gone to church for the last couple weeks but I really didn't want to because I'm feeling out of touch there, like I can't be my true self.

5) I know I'm supposed to do something else with my life but I don't know what it is yet.

6) I'm ready for a new change of living environment, I like the country but I'm sort of over it.

7) It is strange not having Rob around during the week, and starting to wear on me a little bit being the only parent in authority ALL the time.

Seriously if all I had to do was sleep, watch 24, and wander around taking pictures I could be cool with that. But I think my family would start to take issue not having food, clean clothes, rides to places, etc. I just have no motivation. If I knew someone that had prescription medication to "pick me up" I'd try it right now.

On the way home tonight Alex and I were talking about choices, opportunities, college, jobs, etc. She told me she has "it all planned out," her life that is. I told her, "I had a plan to when I was your age and you know what, everything I have right now, none of it was in the plan." I'm not saying what I have now is bad, just different than what I thought my life would be. Very different.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps (Harrison)

Do you want to improve the world?

I don't think it can be done. The world is sacred.

It can't be improved. ~Lao-Tzu

Today as I sat poolside during the boys' swim lessons I read teachings from 'Meditations from the Mat" on the second niyama, santosa (contentment) and the third, tapas (burning zeal in practice). Niyamas are the fundamental practices to sustain a love-based life. "Santosa is just that-an alternative way to move through the world. It is a shift of focus. Instead of seeking contentment from the outside in, we find contentment from the inside out. The paradigm shift comes when we view all events as opportunties to grow, to encounter our own magnificence. When we view things in this light, there are no good events or bad events, only moments in which to shine." "Tapas is the spirit of inquiry; it is about having the heart of an explorer. It is the willingness to work hard in practice, the desire to know oneself, the will to be honest."

What is it that makes it so hard sometimes to determine whither we will walk? I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright.

~Henry David Thoreau

This afternoon my mind became over taken by, two words:

FILM SCHOOL

I even made the bold move to sign up for an Open House on August 1 at Michigan Picture Institute in Troy. It is an intensive one-year program that prides itself with "on-the-set education." I did some online searching and found there are many production companies in Michigan that are thriving thanks to Granholm's tax incentives to film in the state. My desire is to be a location scout and oversee other organizational pre-production duties. The gal on the phone said I'd be really popular since most people that attend the school want to be directors or screenwriters. Still in the fledgling stages of idealism, the schedule could invariably be dealt with although it would be a seriously crazy year, but the biggest obstacle by far is in a word:

MONEY

Since obstacles are also opportunities, let the games begin.

Any leads on funding would be greatly appreciated.

Please leave info in a comment.

Lyrics & Trivia

Help! (Lennon/McCartney)

Well, yesterday ended the week rather strangely, for the first time after weeks/months of talking about "how bad things are" Rob can home without his weekly check. Ouch. Thankfully I had a check arrive this week so we're ok for the week but unsure of how to proceed from there. We have some money set aside for our roof project that is slated for next weekend and I really don't want to have to use it for bills because the roof really needs to be redone, it leaks in multiple places. They are hoping some payments that are due come in early next week and Rob will get paid but for this week his boss gave him $100 to 'get by' on. So if my friends could join me in standing on two scriptures I'd be grateful. They are:

"Make a roof for it and finish..." (Gen. 6:16)

and "...he puts the deep into storehouses." (Psalm 33:7b)

It is at times like these we reach a new level of aparigraha (nonpossessiveness and nonhording). Trying to hold on the the past and the job and what little money may be available will do nothing but be the cause of stress. Letting go, as utterly terrifying as it may feel, allows us to walk through the next door to a new venture or realize what is right outside our window to help us remedy a situation. I say powers that be -- make it so.

Since roof stuff was put on hold Rob spent the morning playing Museum Caper with the boys while I went into Lapeer to grocery shop. And I got TWO walks in. The theme: gone to the dogs! I coerced my friend Lynne, who is trying to develop better fitness habits now that she is laid off, to come out for a stroll with her dogs Johnny and Edgar, the beautiful sheperds at the top of the photo. Her other two older labs stayed home. We took the path along DeMille from Appleby's toward the education complex, finding along the way the work of some Christian vandals who wrote '777' and 'Jesus is god' on the door of the utility building. Doesn't that make you proud.

Got home after shopping and made some sloppy joes and brats (gotta use up some buns Sarah gave me), french fries and some awesome fresh green beans. Then the boys got the tires on their bikes filled, seats adjusted and we all headed out down Kings Mill toward Jefferson. The boys on bikes and Rob and I on foot; even Jake came along in his glory. Alex was working a 3-8 shift at BK. A neighbor down the street got "flocked" by Crosswalk Youth Ministries which cracked me up. I saw a house in town that got "mopped" by them too! What a cute way to raise funds and awareness. On Jefferson we passed my next door neighbor cruising home on his tractor with his mother Marion close behind with a load of hay. This woman amazes me, she must be pushing 80 and she's still out there driving equipment, milking cows, and every other type of farm duty you can image. I can only hope to have so much spunk at that age.

Mother came home from the hospital a day early but things seem to be under control. My brother is staying with her for the weekend. Thursday she started having a major itch attack so they gave her some medication to combat it and help her sleep. When she awoke hours later a young man was sitting at the foot of her bed. "Who are you?" she inquired. "I'm a sitter, I'm here to watch over you." he replied. Apparently in her drug induced sleep she got her knitting scissors and cut her self free from her IV pole and was wandering around the floor. When a nurse asked "Where are you going?" My mother answered "I don't know." There were also some conversations with cats that the nurses didn't think to be a good sign. Hence they brought in a medical student to sit by so she didn't hurt herself. Friday after she was more lucid she annouced she wanted to go home, she was done with treatment. Doctor complied and she was discharged about 4:30pm. Bless her neighbor Carol for coming to pick her up, also Jackie for taking care of Grady the cat, the young man who sat for her and all the staff on the 8th Floor at Karmanos.

Within You, Without You (Harrison)

We were talking – about the space
between us all
And the people – who hide themselves
behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth – then it’s far
too late – when they pass away.
We were talking – about the love we all
could share – when we find it
to try our best to hold it there – with
our love
With our love – we could save the world
– if only they knew.
Try to realize it’s all with in yourself
no one else can make you change
And to see you’re really only very small,
and life flows on within you and without
you.
We were talking – about the love that’s
gone so cold and the people,
Who gain the world and lose their soul –
they don’t know – they can’t see – are
you one of them?
When you’ve seen beyond yourself
then you may find, peace of mind, is
waiting there –
And the time will come when you see
we’re all one, and life flows on within
you and without you.

With several strange and sudden deaths I've been indirectly related to over the past year and the current health challenges of my mother (I can hardly bring myself to say the 'C' word) I find myself contemplating how purposeful and purposeless our lives are. If we are all put here for a reason, what is it? Whether our time on earth is short or lengthy there is some divine plan behind it however significant or insignificant it may appear. What measures will we take to preserve life or end it? What limits are we restrained by, how much can we take, how far can we go? Does it even matter? I'd say ultimately yes, but we're never going to fully understand it as we're going through it, just plow ahead and hope for the best.

My mother, Judi, is back at Karmanos for the week having her IL2 treatments. Please keep her lifted up, although the treatment is believed to be beneficial overall, the process is very taxing on the system. She has refered to it as her elixer of life. I say Amen to that!

**more editing fun with some photos I took July 4th at the Memorial Park.

Think For Yourself (Harrison)

For the month of July I’ve decided to title all my posts after Beatles songs. My brother’s recent gift of music had me reflecting regrettably about selling off my music collection. I went through a time thinking that I had to do away with secular music and listen only to Christian material so as to better serve God. As I wrestled with this regret I came across the teachings in ‘Meditations from the Mat’ about brahmacarya or temperance which is often confused with repression, avoidance or abstinence, an act which in and of itself is cause to set us up for unrest. Rolf and Katherine point out that “Despite the staggering amount of evidence that excess destroys our dreams, there appears to be a human blind spot when it comes to the possibility that our most passionate existence might actually be accessed through balance and moderation. Once we actually start to bring brahmacarya into our lives, we find that this yama is about truly following one’s heart. We see that the chaos of immoderation brings us pain and anguish – and that the calm, clear energy released by moderation actually affords us the opportunity to realize all our dreams.”

Excess or repression in any area, food, religion, exercise, alcohol, prescription drugs, relationships, computer use, hobbies, or musical influence, can cause our inner peace to falter. During the past year I came to a place of total unrest because I had overextended myself, felt that I never had enough time in the day to accomplish what I needed to, and feared that what I did accomplish was not up to the quality I like to uphold. Not only was I suffering but the people around me suffered as well. I pressed through and made some tough decisions that eventually lightened my load and restored balance to where I can feel comfortable going about the day’s agenda with attainable goals and satisfaction from what is accomplished. Years ago I turned to religion to help find some peace in my, what felt like, unfulfilled life. It worked for a while but then even my experience with religion came to a place of discomfort because it was driving me to become something that I comfortably wasn’t. People absorbed in some religious communities feel compelled to live a perfect, pure, unshattered life; be like Jesus they mantra. There is and only will be one Jesus so we should just accept ourselves as he accepted us for who we are and realize that we can never be him. Let’s face it, he did a great job and none can compare. Natural laws are built with their own limits of expansion and contraction; a rubber band will only stretch so far before it ultimately snaps or returns to its former state. I felt compelled through the teachings of my church to cut out all secular music so I could be more pure and do God’s work and find the destiny He had for me. I love music, always have, listened to all kinds of music throughout my life, pop, rock, jazz, country, gospel, even some metal and performed vocally and instrumentally many genres as well. It was moving, cathartic, inspiring, took my mind to new limits, made me consider things in a fresh light, and drove my creative juices. While Christian songs and soaking music filled me for a while there came a point where it became boring, stagnant, and redundant. I went through a period where I didn’t even listen to music. Then I listened to only instrumental jazz because I didn’t even want to hear words just rhythm. I’ve connected again with my belief that all music comes from a higher power and will now allow myself to listen again to what feeds my soul and not feel condemned that it’s secular. I can bop to the Beatles, rock out to VanHalen, ooo baby, baby with Motown artists, snap my fingers along with some crazy jazz, rap with Run DMC, or praise with Martha Munizzi, all with peace in my heart. Because music is what helps me feel right with the world and denying myself put a barrier within me that reached far beyond my ears. There are still areas in my life that need balance, being aware is the first step to getting there. Besides He made me in the first place and put the love of music in me, right?



Sunday before I left for my mom's house Rob, Alex and I did a quick loop around the freshly mown trail in the back of the property. I started picking some cute little pink wildflowers then added some wild daisies. Rob began selecting other varieties to add color. Here is a picture of our mutual arrangement.

Garden Tour May 2009

1) Benny’s handiwork: getting this vegetable plot weeded. I left the fence up from last year. We had pole beans on it; on one end I threw in some snow pea seeds I found around here, not sure how old they are or if they will grow. I’m thinking of trying Luffa Gourds again on the other end.
2) Remember that picture of the chives just popping up after a long winter, well here’s Mama Chive and a couple chivettes!
3) The Hosta section I got cleaned up and added some Astilbes to.
4) Ironically the other Hosta section that I was able to put landscape material and mulch down around last year is not emerging as quickly as the other plot.
5) These plants are barely poking up, perhaps because they were newly transferred last season.
6) Massive Mound of Tarragon
7) Lilacs waiting to bloom
8) I love these spring perennials, although the name escapes me at the moment.
9) A young Lupine, just planted last year, hoping it will flower this summer.
10) Our swamp pond is experiencing some major flooding; I don’t ever remember the water being up this high into the yard before.

I love seeing which perennials are going to spring up each year, since I am a perennial collector of sorts, rarely buying them unless for a fundraiser or crazy markdown-can’t-resist-sale. Whenever I see them leafing up or in full bloom it reminds of the people and places where I acquired the plants from, many have come from aunts, parents, friends, schools, churches, and a few roadsides. Several times when people have moved I was invited to come over and pull whatever I wanted from their garden before the new people came in. I miss those people and visiting their houses but all have moved on to better situations in their lives; a refreshing and comforting recollection.

May your Monday be Merry!

Talkin' Trash

A recent stop to our local recycling drop-off day brought me to once again examine how much trash we are generating. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Everybody seems to hear recycle and makes efforts to turn in their plastics, cans, glass, paper, but the biggest step and by far the most challenging is the reduce aspect. When you go about buying food products you are most likely looking for the best price, nutritional issues, or a particular ingredient, but probably not the container that it comes in. You get what you get, right. Well, now I am seriously looking at that. Our recycle program used to take almost any type of plastic. Now it is “bottles and jugs” only. No ‘container’ like from yogurt, cottage cheese, frosting, butter, deli items and the like. That’s a lot of plastic I can’t turn in to recycle now. We do not pay for trash pick-up; we recycle, compost, or burn. Our township office has a dumpster once a year and we take anything that doesn’t fit in another category down to the dumpster. It’s free. There’s usually a guy who takes batteries of all sizes, and old machinery. Once in a while we make a trip to the dump with metals that can be turned info cash. Paper is a good packaging material because it is easily burnable. But I really don’t want a load of plastic stuff piling up each year and that is definitely not cool to burn. Also, I need to get back on track about bringing my own shopping bags. I have a cabinet cupboard full of plastic shopping bags and even though you can reuse them and turn them in, I just can’t help thinking I don’t need so many. The last couple days whenever I run in a store to buy a couple items I quickly tell the clerk, “that’s ok, I don’t need a bag” before they can throw everything in one. Sometimes they look at me funny so I smile and say “save a tree.”

I am curious why we, as a nation, are not doing more to find ways to make recycling materials more profitable. Perhaps I’ll venture onto a personal research project to find out more about efforts companies are making to recycle. But more immediately I am going to attempt to reduce my trash load so forgive me if I go off on a tangent occasionally and analyze our garbage.

OTHER UPDATES: Ben kicked in his first goal of the season during their scrimage Saturday. The boys implemented a perfect crossover making the coaches very proud, his team mate kicked it to him, Ben was right in front of the goal with no one else around and he drove it right in before the goalie knew what happened! Ethan had his first baseball practice on Friday and if weather cooperates will have another tomorrow. He has also been very dilegent about getting out and golfing in the yard, even in our incredibly tall grass. He'll be amazed how much easier to find the balls once the grass is cut. Rob made some progress on the tractor and mower but we're not totally operationaly yet. And, I got my first call to substitute this morning, just a half day for one of the band teachers who had to leave for a funeral. I had the 6th grade woodwind section which was a well-behaved, fun, and talented bunch and then did High School Concert Band with another sub. One of the seniors actually conducted the pieces they were working on for the State Band Festival this Thursday but I was asked by Mrs. Stover-Lange to take some pictures for the yearbook. She left me with the camera and I had a blast shooting the practice from all angles. Maybe a should ask for photo credit?

Hope everyone is having a blessed, rainy, Monday.

Rich Brother Rich Sister

Rich Brother Rich Sister: Two Different Paths to God, Money and Happiness
Robert Kiyosaki and Emi Kiyosaki (Venerable Tenzin Kacho, ordained by His Holiness the Dalai Lama)
Vanguard Books 2009
978-159315-493-6

Wow. I finally finished this power packed book. It really made me think about my spiritual and emotional mindset as I search for my true career calling. Robert began his independent life as a military man then went into the world of capitalism but never found true satisfaction until he acheived a grounded spiritual path. His sister Kim followed a spirit calling and became a Buddhist monk but still did not feel completely effective until she put things in place that gave her financial security instead of depending on others for all her needs. Kim points out “At the same time as there are wars over boundaries of countries, there are wars inside of each of us, every day. I believe that these internal struggles are centered around our faults and delusions—those mental acrobatics that prevent us from finding peace and living the good life, however you choose to define it.” (Venerable Tenzin Kacho) I do feel that the greatest obstacle that holds me back is my own internal struggles about my worth and what seems to me as a 'legitimate' means of gaining income. Recently I went for a job purely to be receiving a regular check even though I knew in my heart I probably wouldn't enjoy it long term. The position was not offered to me but I know it's because it was not really meant to be mine.

Later Robert explains: “Since your gift is a gift from god or a higher power, it is essential to deliver it with the highest degree of personal integrity and character. Over the years, I have personally experienced my gift being diminished when I allowed my character flaws to overpower my character. I found that if I wanted to improve the returns on my life, I needed to improve my personal character by not letting my character flaws cancel out my character strengths.” I'm still mulling this one over. Pastor Rick at the church I attend says character is what you do when no one is looking not how you act when you're out in front of people. In this area I must admit I am two different people, not that I'm one bad and one good but I definately operate through a dual persona. Kim compliments this view by explaining the Buddist practice: In all my actions I will examine my mind, and the moment a disturbing attitude arises, I will firmly confront and avert it. This is hard to admit but pertaining to this practice I probably need a lot more confrontation within my own character.

Dr. R. Buckminister Fuller says “good and bad are meaningless,” and Robert expands upon that by saying “…all things-good and bad-are blessings. Our lives are continual crucifixions, resurrections, evolutions, and reformations, and each of these is as vital to life as food, waters, sun, and exercise. If one of the four is missing, existence is incomplete.” We're always trying to define situations as good and bad in our life especially when we're young and just having full responsibility for our lives it seems that every little speed bump along the way can feel devastating to some extent but as the years roll on and you go through more experiences little hurdles don't seem to have as much impact. You deal with things come what may having confidence that all will work out.

After losing literally millions of dollars Robert and his wife went through a period of being broke and homeless, going back to square one to decide what god wanted them to be involved in for their next business. “Instead of focusing only on making myself rich, I began focusing on building a business that made everyone richer. And that is what I do today. It’s why I have good fortune and financial success.” He advises that to find what you will excel at first decide what do you love to do so much that you would do it for free. This is the direction you will be most successful in. He also explains that to get what you want you must first give it. If you want to receive money, you must give money. If you want respect, give respect, etc.

One thing that holds many people back, myself included is fear of unfamilar territory or learning something totally new. But it is important to remember, Fear means new opportunities. ‘Whenever you feel fear, it may mean you are approaching the boundary of what you know and what you do not know. If you back down or step back, your growing stops because learning stops. Fear gives us the opportunity to test our spirits. Fear gives all of us the opportunity to grow stronger or grow weaker.”

Oh, the Irony!

It has certainly been a roller coaster of tasks and emotions around here. After agonizing for months about putting the boys in school we made it only three weeks before I have them all home with me again with the chicken pox! And the week before their Easter break to boot, so I'll actually have them here for two weeks straight. I was really enjoying having the days to myself. Funny, how easily we can adapt to new systems. Toward the end of last week I had some excitment in being blessed with a job interview for a part-time bank teller postion, to be honest the whole thing came up rather quickly and I had never even considered going into that vein of work but since it was literally dropped in my lap I thought I had to at least try. However, I do not think I got the position since I didn't hear back from the woman who interviewed me yet and she said she needed to have a decision made by close of day Monday. Oh, well, that's fine really. I am however moving forward in becoming a substitute in the North Branch Public Schools for secretarial and what they call "specials" ie: Art, Music, Computer Lab, Gym, Library Aide (for elementary), also Band, Art, Drama (for JH/HS). I need to make an appointment and go get fingerprinted before she can put me on "the list" but all my other paperwork is on file and she contacted my references already too. As much as I keep saying I don't want to do anything with kids I can't deny the fact that I do have an odd gifting to work with the little squirts. The key I suppose is finding a balance between 'me time' and 'kid time' which has been sadly off kilter prior to these last few months. The more I am made aware of other people's lack in working with children, my own strength in the area is reinforced. Maybe this whole shift in our lives is because God wants me to have an impact on a greater number of children.....oh, that seems almost scary. Only time will tell.

Today is the first day of Script Frenzy and I still have no direction whatsoever but I'm sure I'll come up with something-eventually. Our weekly walk was suspended this past weekend due to exhaustion, illness, and inclement weather but we hope to be back out there this weekend. On Friday Alexandra, myself, and her friend Jason will be taking a tour of Grand Valley State University with my alumnus brother James along to give us the inside skinny.

Please continue to keep my mother Judith in your prayers, a spot on her liver is going to be dealt with via Cryosurgery next week and we're hoping this will be the end of a very disconcerting stage of health challenges. Thankfully she had an encouraging appointment with her surgeon and the oconologist, working again through Karmanos Cancer Center, she feels the situation is under control and she is in superb care.

'Nit Wits' curtain call, Saturday, March 28 @ North Branch High School (Alex is in red).

Friday Fill-In and the like.

1. My blueprint for success includes taking it one day at a time.

2. An ‘organic’ Mango Tango sucker was the last candy I ate.

3. The best facial moisturizer I've ever used is anything by L’Oreal or Lancôme.
4. Screaming & throwing a fit can be good therapy (but it doesn’t make you very popular).

5. I'd like to tell you about my amazing trip to Europe but I haven’t been there yet.

6. The ability to improvise is my strongest characteristic (guess it’s from all of that dance training).

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to taking Fox and Ben to compete in the 3rd Annual Chippewa Valley Schools Chess Tournament, tomorrow my plans include seeing the NBHS production of ‘Nit Wits’ and Sunday, I want to rejoice and relax!

*Hey Lisa! My fill-ins are different because I am pulling them from the archives!

A couple quick updates too: first, I have a job interview today! This is the first face to face interview I have had in many years. I am a little nervous but excited for the possibilities. Also, when I asked Ethan how things went at school yesterday he replied with a happy "good!" His friend Jesse was back in class after being out sick for some time, he passed the next level of Rocket Math on his first try which was a definate confidence builder, and he was excited about finishing his 'fish project' in Art. So, things are looking up for him, Amen. Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement during this transition, it is truly priceless!

T.G.I.F.