Parton my Dust: In Memory of

The past week I've been relating in a different way to the saying "forever and a day". This past Sunday was the one-year anniversary of my mother's death. It is still a surreal feeling, the past year has felt like forever and at the same time like only a day has past.

I've been having the oddest memories of our life together. I remember when I was very small (like preschool), living in Detroit, we would walk over to the library which was maybe a couple blocks away, then to the grocery store, we'd bring the grocery cart right back to the house with everything in it then run it back later. I always loved the library and remember the day I got my first library card. The house she moved into in Grosse Pointe was conveniently located a block away from the Kroger and she did the same thing there.

I remember one Christmas I got two new dolls and she made an entire wardrobe of clothes for them on her sewing machine. I still have the dolls and many of the clothes. She used to make outfits for special occasions for my brother and I too. There was one Halloween when we were still in Detroit, I was in first grade, she made the most darling witch costume for me to wear but I was mortified to have to walk all the way to school in it....by myself. I don't know why but after much crying and begging she still refused to walk me to school.

Being able to go and hang out in her classroom when I had a day off of school was always great. I loved helping her get things ready for the day or running an errand in the building for her. Her class was filled with cool stuff and I liked helping her students. The students were always in some type of awe about me being Mrs. Quatrine's daughter. Alex got to come hang out too a few times, and get a chance to see how public school would be when we were homeschooling during those early years. She was probably about third grade when she spent three days with gramma and got to be in a fellow teacher's room. Alex thought is was fine for a 'try' but it wasn't the routine she wanted day in and day out.

I recall a vacation out west where mother made an anxiety-filled climb up the 20-foot ladder that was the start of the Mesa Verde tour. She was terrified of heights and even more so of the water. I also recall being at various swim classes mother did over the years, public pools, private pools, she never gave up trying to get over that fear. It got better over time but she never became an avid fan of water.

The image of she and Alexandra sitting in amazement as they witnessed Fox Robert being born is forever etched in my mind. And I can hear mom saying "how's my honey girl!?" to Alex, which how she always greeted her when she was little. That brings me to think that she almost missed out on having a relationship with her grandkids altogether after she decided to boycott my wedding (super ouch). Rob and I called, begged, pleaded for weeks but she wouldn't come. I was 26 years old at the time, not saying I did it right and I don't recommend it, but we got engaged in October, and in December we found out we were pregnant, so instead of a June wedding we moved it up to March. If you weren't told I was expecting you would have never known but apparently this was too much for her to handle. Finally six weeks before I was due I made contact with her and said this is all ridiculous, I want my child to know her grandmother. Mom deep down really didn't want to miss out on the gramma-experience either and I think it took more out of her to stand against the wedding than she realized it would. We made amends and that was the beginning of a huge turn in our relationship. I can't imagine her not being a part of their lives.

For a season we got to sing together in the Fraser Chorale, a community choir; that was fun. I also remember when I was taking ballet and other dance lessons like crazy that mom took an adult ballet class and the ladies even performed at the recital. Mom did a nice job, she was very graceful albeit petrified.

Over the last seven or more years of her life mother had a multitude of medical procedures, some necessary, some cosmetic I was there in the waiting room for many and on recovery duty as well. I remember after her shoulder surgery both of us falling into hysterics over helping her go to the bathroom, she couldn't get her pants on or off herself so it was quite the process. Thank goodness she could still use the one hand to wipe with! Of course I got to make up for that in the final days, guess that's part of the circle of life...they wipe your butt and eventually you have to wipe theirs.

Judi was incredibly organized and methodical about things, a gene I only got in part. She was really obsessive in the later years when she lived on her own but as I look back she was like that all while I was growing up. I wish I could get a place for everything in my house and everything in its place, but until the kids are all out of the house I figure the effort is futile.

Dogs ruled and cats did too in her empty nesting years. We had some great pets growing up but the animals she got on her own always ended up to by some type of psycho....she loved them anyway. Her one poodle Lucky was greeted like the Newman character on Seinfeld, whenever we'd go over or she'd bring him to the house it'd be like....(with clenched teeth and sarcastic tone) oh, hello Lucky, just like Jerry would say to Newman.

As I wrestled with the decision of putting all the kids in public school I spoke with my mom about it. Being an educator she was surprisingly supportive about our homeschooling endeavors and never overbearing with her opinions, except for insisting Benjamin go to speech therapy (which was ultimately a good thing). She was a good barometer to help keep me on track and was well aware the kids were thriving and performing beyond their peers. Anyway, her final word on the subject was, "if you're going to do it, then just do it, and shut up about it!" That might have been some medication talking but she was right, once I definitively made the choice there was no looking back.

I polled the kids for some of their memories and got some interesting comments.

Ben: she made great biscuits, and liked to give a Christmas gift 'to all the boys,' everything in her house was breakable, she never went in the public pool, and she had a NO SNORTING rule.

Fox: she liked to travel but was a questionable driver and they got lost a lot around Philadelphia on their trip, she really liked to teach.

Ethan: she always had ice cream and she loved hugs from her Ethan boy.

Alex: a long night hanging out in the E.R. after gramma fell on the stairs in Mammoth Cave and hurt her shoulder, playing house in gramma's basement at the Moravian Mansion, her psycho pets.

Rob really misses their debates. She and he could banter back and forth on subjects with vigor but it never actually became argumentative. They both held their ground and neither one ever gave up the fight but they did concede to points well made.

My dad and brother are working on getting all our family slides scanned into the computer and put on discs. When I get my copy I'll post a few and take y'all on a trip in my way-back machine. Hoping some warm weather will arrive soon to help lift my spirits, things are pretty melancholy after our big Chicago trip, looking forward to the upcoming bustle of our spring sports trifecta, soccer-baseball-track oh, yeah!

Miss you, Mom and .... sorry.