When I started blogging I made a choice to keep the content generally upbeat. I've shared at times about my mother's dealings with, ok I'll just go ahead and say it this time, cancer. Man, I really hate that word and even more so the disease. This past week things took a turn for the very scary following her radiation treatments on the brain she had a severe mental lapse and was experiencing dementia-like symptoms. In my heart I like to "speak as though it were" and call her healed, but in my head I unfortunately am acutely aware that time is quickly slipping away. It is difficult to know exactly how to handle treatment of this relentless condition, many times it is the treatment that brings about the end to people before the actual cancer would have. While I respect my mom for being so aggressive in her treatment options I don't completely believe the side effects are worth the overall result but I'm doing my best to support her. I'd rather have 6 good strong lucid months, than 6 weeks of utter hell if the choice was mine. (just sayin') After four days in the hospital undergoing an adjustment in her steroid and pain medications she is now home and functioning much better but still unclear about things at times, we're hoping she will at least return to her normal faculties again, at this point it is unsafe for her to be left alone at all, from there I don't know what the next step in her treatment will be. Until now I've tried to stay out of it because I have a differing philosophy from hers as far as my faith in the medical community. I know they do amazing things now-a-days but they aren't perfect. Who is. But now I'm involved, like it or not, she's my mom and I want to help take care of her as best I can, everything else can and will be put on hold for the time being. The bottom line is life during the next year will be .... uncertain.
How will I remember my mom?
as a strong, opinionated woman
an advocate for mentally impaired children
an intelligent and brutally honest person
someone who brought me much joy and pain (as I did her)
a loving, doting grandmother
an independent, yet fragile individual
funny, extremely organized, creative
truly unique
Who knows what the future holds, but at least at this point there is still some future left to make the best of and with God's grace I pray she can finish the race with dignity and solace.
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